Try Sleeping With A Broken Heart
by Light'by'day
Summary: How hard could it be letting someone go you only had for one night, but loved for years? Is it selfish of her to take him for her own pleasures, knowing he belongs to another? The only man she would ever love deserved her virtue...and no one else. AU


Hi all! This is my first take at something a bit more dramatic. I felt inspired by the song (same title). I hope you all enjoy, because this is seriously like my most favorite thing I have ever written.

This story is a prelude to a new story I have in the works called "Video Girl". Please review, because I can't tell you how much it inspires me to write more. I am still working on "Boys, Boys, Boys!", but I have come to a freaking four way intersection with that story. So many ideas, and I don't know which way to go. ^^;

**AU** and rated **M**- so all you youngins' get outta here. You've been warned....if you read my other story, you _know_ I like lemony goodness, and this story has it! (but tastefully done, I think...) also, a smidge of OOC...I think....**O_o***

Without further ado....(I don't own Sailor Moon, so quit nagging me about it...okay, okay...I'll put them back nice and neat just like I found them.^^;)

Enjoy!

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Two months.

Two months, one week, four days, and 14 hours.

The measure of time seemed to etch itself into her very being. Every second that ticked away was a painful reminder of what could have been. A slender hand clutched at the agony in her chest; trying to dispel her heartache somehow, as the tears carved an invisible path down her porcelain face. It was useless to wipe the crystalline drops away when they would just appear again- just as stubborn as the person they came from. First, the tears were welcoming, refreshing, because it was all she had. But, now….they were so tiring, so draining, that she couldn't seem to get her head together. Her thoughts were a scattered mess; running the scene repeatedly forward and backward and left to right in her head, trying to figure out if there was something different she could have done.

"No. I did the right thing_._" she told herself with fierce determination, although her heart whispered 'liar' with every weakened beat.

'_He didn't belong to me…he belongs to her…and that's where he should be._' Usagi's mind supplied weakly, still failing to put logic to why she turned him away when she could have been laying in his arms right this moment.

She knew that it would be hard letting him go, but not _this_ hard. How hard should it be letting someone go you only had for one night, but loved for years? She scoffed internally at the thought. _'It was damn hard.'_ A bitter laugh escaped her lips and the irony of the situation. Here she was crying over something she had the power to stop, but it wasn't her right_ to_ stop it. Who was she to stand in the way of his deceased mother's wish? He didn't think that she knew of the letter he received on his 24th birthday from his dearly departed parent's lawyers, but she did. He could thank Motoki for giving her that information, accidentally "on purpose" of course. Because without that information, she would have let him leave Japan, thinking he would always return.

Usagi was now 19, going on 20 and knew exactly what she was getting herself into when Motoki let Mamoru's secret slip, but that didn't stop her. She understood what the repercussions of her actions would be- that she would basically bring her loneliness and heartache on herself, and accepted them, but she couldn't let him leave without knowing the truth. She waited until the last minute, the _very_ last baited breath, to let him know the feelings of love she harbored for him. Was it selfish of her to take him for her own pleasures, knowing that as soon as his foot hit British soil, he was as good as gone? He would be forever out of her grasp, not only because of the distance, but because he would be in another woman's arms.

His official engagement would begin as soon as he landed in England. She spent countless nights praying and crying to the Heavens above that she was his fiancée… She wished with every fiber of her being that she could be the one he was beginning a new life with; for him to come home to her, to caress her and love her, to hold her in his strong arms, and for _her_ name to be Mrs. Chiba.

Usagi's heart hammered through the pain that pierced through her chest cavity as she thought of Mamoru's upcoming nuptials.

'_I still can't believe he's engaged…._' she thought to herself as she sipped her seltzer water. Her stomach contents tumbled about nervously from the emotional rollercoaster and she took another small sip of her drink. She sighed and rested her head on the side of her oversized white chair, trying to dispel her jealous thoughts and her nausea simultaneously.

Usagi nervously ran her fingers through her silver blond tresses as she contemplated leaving for the night. She needed to get out, to escape her thoughts of him. Maybe lock herself in a dance studio, and dance until she could feel no more emotional pain- but only the pain of physical exertion. Spending all of her free time in her one bedroom apartment wasn't helping her sanity any; after all it was the same place where she had given herself so freely to him. She looked down the hall and into her bedroom at same bed where Mamoru had explored and conquered her unknown pleasures; she had never experienced anything so beautiful and erotic all in the same moment. She remembered the way he looked at her, as if she were the most precious treasure in the world, as if she was worth more than moon itself. The flashback of his loving gazes and heated touches sent her hormones into overdrive and her nausea subsided quickly. Her skin became hot and flushed all over, and the juncture between her thighs ached for Mamoru's attention. She rubbed her bare legs together trying to ease some of the tension as she remembered how his mouth felt on her body.

_**Flashback….**_

_Mamoru carried Usagi to her bedroom after she poured her heart out to him. His heart swelled at hearing her call him 'her protector'. In all of his five years of knowing her, he never thought his feelings would be reciprocated….engagement be damned, he wasn't leaving her. He would be by her side for as long as she wanted him there._

_He glanced down at her as she rested her head in the crook of his neck; her small body tucked safely in his arms. The poor girl had cried herself to sleep. When he made it to the bed, he laid her down gently, brushing away the wisps of hair that were lying across her face. He placed a light kiss on her forehead as he bent over her sleeping frame and whispered "Sweet dreams…"_

_She stirred as he was standing up, "Please…stay with me…if only for one night…"_

_The look of longing in her cerulean eyes and her soft voice pulled at his heartstrings. How could he ever deny an angel?_

"_I'm not going anywhere…" with that, he leaned down and captured her lips in a heart-melting kiss, and hoped that she could feel all of the love he poured into it. _

_Her heart leapt at tenderness Mamoru bestowed upon her. Her mind and body felt light and airy as she kissed his pliant lips back. He seemed intent on taking things slow, but Usagi wasn't having any of that. Any other time, she may have appreciated his gentleman like behavior, but not tonight. She needed him with a ferocity and urgency that her mind could not comply, but her heart and body could. Adrenaline flowed through her veins as she felt her face heat up. She broke the kiss reluctantly and looked into his cobalt depths with an unwavering gaze. _

"_Make love to me…" she whispered, but it was nothing short of a demand._

_Before he could protest, she kissed him again, but this time with need. He would not deny her and she knew it. She knew it because he kissed her back with passionate open-mouthed kisses, totally unlike the first one he granted._

_He ended the kiss abruptly as his chest heaved, sucking in precious oxygen. "There's no going back, Usako…"_

_Her cheeks flushed at his nickname for her and she nodded in silent agreement. She knew that he was the one she wanted to give herself to. The only man she would ever love deserved her virtue; she would never be able to live with herself if it were to happen with someone else._

_To demonstrate her understanding of the situation, she slid the straps of her gauzy white sundress down her bare shoulders. The dress pooled around her waist and she looked at him to see his reaction. Would he reject her? She fought the need to cover her bare breasts with her arms and instead gripped the sheets with her hands._

_The beating of her heart sped up significantly, as he cupped her face. "You are so beautiful. My beautiful, beautiful Usako…." He leaned in and kissed her lightly on the lips and he felt her breath catch. He kissed along her cheekbone to her ear, then from her ear down her neck. Her breaths were coming in short spurts and she thought she night pass out from the tingles his lips left in their wake. He gently laid her back down as he continued butterfly kisses on her collarbone down to her breasts. She gasped when his warm mouth made contact with her pert nipples and he groaned at the taste of her._

"_You taste so sweet, Usako…." She could hear him whispering of how she tasted of vanilla and honey. His voice had taken on a husky tone that sent pleasant shivers up her spine. When he became more aggressive in his suckling and kneading, she arched her back to get closer to the source of ecstasy her limber body was currently draped in. She could stay like this forever, but she knew that it would only last for tonight, so she would give it all she had._

_Her fingers found their way into the silky depths of Mamoru's ebony hair, and she relished in the feel of it. He was leaving wet kisses down the middle of her taut stomach, when she heard something of a growl from him._

"_Usako, you don't know what you do to me…" His hot whispers near her woman hood had her body licked in white hot flames. Her hips bucked wildly when she felt him kiss and lick her most private area. She moaned and purred at the new sensations she was feeling as he continued his conquest._

_Her eyes blazed a bright blue as she felt the stirrings of something peculiar in her lower belly…pressure was it?_

' _No, this is better than pressure…better than….than….' her thoughts trailed off as her body shook uncontrollably and she screamed out._

"_Oh my GOD, Mamoru!"_

_Mamoru didn't stop, the sound of his name rolling off her lips in ecstasy was drugging. He continued lapping at her center with vigor as if he couldn't get enough. He placed a strong hand on her hips to hold her down as he ground out against her, "Amazing…" _

_The sight of her riding the waves of her climax would be forever emblazoned in his memory._

_As Usagi came down on what she believed to be her very first orgasm, she found the strength to undress Mamoru. It wouldn't be fair if he got to discover her body, and she couldn't do the same. She grabbed him by the neck of his shirt and pulled him up. He held up his arms, allowing her to rid him of his shirt. _

_She wasted no time in exploring the planes of his broad muscular chest. Mamoru was ripped! Although she wasn't too surprised; she had ran into him enough times to know that he wasn't flabby on any part of his body._

_His eyes closed as he felt Usagi kissing his body, just as he had done to her. He groaned and titled his head back to give her better access to his neck. _

_His tanned skin was simply intoxicating; smooth to the touch, it smelled and tasted of sweet rosewater. With every lick over the Adam's apple of his throat, his breath caught, and it spurred Usagi on. They had now somehow switched positions, and she was lying over him in all of her bare-naked glory. As Usagi continued to lick and nip her way down his chest, he reached down and pulled the pins from her odangoed hair. The flaxen blond strands fell down her back in waves, and he couldn't resist the urge to run his fingers through it. It felt better than he had ever imagined…_

_His previous thoughts dissipated as soon as he felt her reach for his zipper. He looked down at her in awe. He would have never guessed his Usako would be so bold. Nevertheless, it spoke volumes of how much she wanted him, so he let her undress the rest of his body._

_Now that his jeans and boxers were no longer in the way, Usagi swallowed her nervousness and put on a brave face. She took one look at his nether regions and her eyes widened. 'How is __**that**__ supposed to fit in __**there**__?' she wondered, unsure if she could handle all of Mamoru's length and thickness._

_He noticed the worry in her eyes, and pulled her to him. "Don't worry, well take it slow…." He whispered against her lips and swept her away in another passionate kiss as she lay down beside him. His caresses were driving her wild with need and she couldn't take anymore foreplay. _

"_Please, Mamo-chan. Take me...right now…I need you…so much…" she begged him in a breathy tone with her eyes closed. His fingertips stroked the curves of her body and he remembered something very important. _

"_Wait, Usako. I need to put on protection…."_

"_No. It's okay, I'm on the pill…I have been for a while now. I don't want anything to come between us…I trust you." She opened her eyes to see him above her, ready to enter._

_He kissed her sweetly and breathed against her swollen lips, "I will be as gentle as possible…."_

_She nodded as she braced herself for the pain. As he entered her virgin walls, she felt the stinging pain of him breaking through her hymen. Usagi bit her bottom lip as she tried to hold in her whimpers of pain. Mamoru kissed away a lone tear that escaped her eyes, as he thrust gently inside of her. _

_Soon, the pain subsided and she was able to feel him buried to the hilt of her womb. They both moaned in pleasure as the gentle thrusts turned slightly aggressive. For the last five years that she had known him, she never knew Mamoru had such a passionate side. It was mind numbing, spine tingling, and toe curling all at the same time. His scent was all over her, wrapped around her in a loving and protective embrace. She arched into him once more and he circled a strong arm around her waist as he continued to enter her repetitively. _

_He knew that he hit a sweet spot of hers, when she began to tremble and claw at his back. He knew she was close to losing it, and he wanted to feel her essence swathed around him. 'If only,' he thought, 'we could stay like this forever…' _

_He felt a delicious tightening and squeezing around his member, and went in for the kill. He thrust into her core with vivacity, and took delight in hearing the expletives that came from her mouth. He never knew his Usako had such a dirty mouth! But with every word, she asked for more, and he complied. The slickness of their heated bodies gliding together increased as they both reached their peak. As the both came down from a passionate high, Usagi licked at Mamoru's bottom lip causing him to groan and return the favor. The licks turned into passionate kisses once again, as they started round two. _

_As the night wore on and well into the early hours of morning, they had made love a countless number of ways that left them both deeply sated. As they drifted off to sleep, Usagi molded herself to Mamoru's side knowing that this would be the last time she would be able to do so. She ignored the pain in her heart for now, and filled it instead with the beautiful memories of the night they spent together._

_**Flashback Ends…**_

It didn't matter that he was _thousands_ of miles away, whenever she thought of him, she could still feel his lingering touches and caresses on her skin as if they were brand new. She hoped that she would never forget….she couldn't forget....ever.

She couldn't forget any of it.; even the look of rejection on his face when she told him to go. Her heart threatened to rip at the seams when he told her that he would never leave her. That he was irrevocably, irreversibly, and irretrievably in love with her from the very depths of his soul.

A jagged cry escaped her lips and echoed in the lonely apartment for the millionth time in the last 60 plus days she had been without him.

She remembered telling him that she would always be in love with him, for she could feel him in her bones, ingrained in her spirit and that nothing would change that, ever. She recalled him asking her if that was true, why is it that she wanted him to leave. She didn't know what to say to that, because she had pondered the same question in her mind a thousand times with no return answer –other than her own selfish reasons for having him before he became a married man.

Their words in short had turned into an intense argument. He was angry because they had just spent an amazing night together and professed their undying love to one another, that she still wanted him to leave for England like he was supposed to. She was angry because he was angry with her. Didn't he know how hard it was for her to do this? She didn't want to tell him that she knew of the engagement, but she had to, lest he think her feelings for him were lies. She recollected the way his eyes turned to ice at the mention of his deceased mother's intentions. She reminded him that it was all he had left of his mother- the only personal letter he had from a woman he barely remembered. The least he could do is honor her spirit, by keeping the engagement his parents had arranged when he was a boy.

His demeanor tensed when she told him that; it was along his line of thinking before Usagi had told him of her love. Now….everything was different. He pleaded with her relentlessly but to no avail. She cried silent tears of pain, and told him that he would understand her reasoning one day. He had no need of her apology though, for he already understood her point. She was sacrificing her love for him to honor the woman who gave birth to him, just as he should do.

She would never ever forget, for as long as she lived, the way he exited her life. He kissed her as if his life depended on it, with raw, untamed passion. The very thought of the last kiss she had ever received from him, made her go weak in the knees, just like it had on that fateful day he walked out of her life.

Her stomach lurched and she raced to her oversized bathroom to empty the contents of her stomach. Heartbreak was making her ill, and she had doubts that she would ever recover from it. The only thing that kept her from falling into the abyss of her secret despair was the fact that she held on to the love they shared and not the broken dreams of what could have been.

She cleaned her face and rinsed the horrid taste of disappointment and regret out of her mouth as she readied herself for bed. There was no going out tonight, maybe tomorrow she could dance away the ache and sorrow. She sighed as she lay in her bed and pulled the pillow that was still fragranced with Mamoru to her breast. She inhaled deeply as the tears fell again. She shut her eyes tightly to try to get him off her mind. However, it was in vain, because single time she closed her eyes, his face was all she could see; the love, the passion, and the pain. Usagi whimpered herself to sleep wondering, if thousands of miles away, Mamoru had trouble sleeping with a broken heart just as she did.

* * *

_*AGH!* Please don't kill me! They will meet again in the other story and come together like they should be....or will they? *dodges flaming arrows*(YES, they will...)_

_But seriously, does it seem kinda angsty to you? I was like whoa, chill on the emo sh!t, self! (I, too like to wallow in my emo-ness *if that's a word* from time to time ^.*)...That was me winking! Cute, huh? *off topic...getting back on track...*_

_I should begin working on "Video Girl" really soon. Also, I'm gonna need you guys to google probably the hottest freakin Asian guy I have ever had the privilege to lust over...Taeyang...oh my jeez.....so hot *fans self*...anyway his hotness has officially inspired the next story, because the pop star in that story is based (loosely) on him. _

_I just passed that difficult ass communications class with a frikin' A so that means 4.0 gpa is still intact (NERD!)! Yay...virtual drinks all around! *clink*_

_Oh yeah, for this next story, I will be trying to post a poll on my profile to figure out who Mamoru's affianced is... I'm unsure...I don't really want to use Beryl, but it's whatever the population demands. If for some reason you all read this before I figure out how to post a poll, please leave your suggestions in your reviews or private message me._

_Thanks for reading! (Please review!)_

_With lotsa hugs and kisses,_

_~*~* L.b.D.*~*~_


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